Baby Steps
2:06 PM - Posted by christina - 2 comments



Since I last posted, all three children have had strep. I’ve doled out dozens of pills, done—oh, I don’t know—maybe 13 loads of wash, gotten take-out pizza for dinner (I know…BAD), cleaned the bunny’s cage, and shaved my legs. Twice, I think.

I have thought about how I can let me be me. I spent the weekend doing something I love—cooking and baking—simply because I felt like it. Sure, the floors needed a mopping, the toilets a scrubbing, and the old body could have spent several hours at the gym. But being in the kitchen, creating, feeds my soul, so I did it.

(On a side note, spending all that time creating good food also fed my body , and now things are feeling a little tight, so this weekend there will be no kitchenpalooza, bake-fest , or other indulgent food activities. Sorry.)

Perhaps my biggest accomplishment came with the posting of that last blog. I read it and reread it. My “be nice” filter was on big time. Will this hurt anyone’s feelings? Have I said anything in a way that might offend? (I know. It makes me sick to type it out, but these are the sounds in my head). Everything appeared okay, so I hit the post button, feeling good that I got something up on the blog.

Until on my way home, I pictured a line that might be taken wrong by a potential reader. Would misunderstanding ensue? Would someone be mad at me? (Again, I know: sick). Cursing myself and my lily-livered personality, I went into the house, logged on and oh-so-subtly tweaked the sentence. Really—it’s almost exactly the same. You probably couldn’t even find it. It was that little. But I felt better (nicer?).

While being a wimp when I did it, a was proud of the fact that I was aware of how piddly-ass I am: I do care too much what people think, and I don’t like to make waves. I’m recognizing that, and will fess up to the fact that I consciously decided to succumb to that inner voice, rather than just have it sneak up on me unawares. So that's progress.

Well, I’m counting it as a bit of progress. I am focusing on the good, the glass being half full and all that. Baby steps. It’s not a resolution, remember? It’s just trying to get to me. Because really, I am a good person just the way I am. Even if sometimes I don't think so.

Do you have any new accomplishments, awareness or other thoughts you might share in the comments?

Blessings.



Happy New Year!....meh... whatever
8:01 PM - Posted by christina - 2 comments

This year I did it. I consciously made NO resolutions. Not even the old standby: "To write more."

Because it's really just another day. January 1, December 12, June 7... It's just another day.

And by really thinking about hopes and goals, by telling myself, "This is the year!," I'm setting myself up for failure.

Again.

Because isn't every year The year?

I continue to change and grow (or shrink). I let go and grab on to knew things. And it seems frequently, perhaps always, I am aware of what I did wrong... "I have sinned through my own fault, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do..."

So rather than set major goals... especially the kind that life frequently goes against... rather than setting myself up for a measurement that CAN ALWAYS IMPROVE... I'm going to become more aware, and simply, be more ME.

You may think that's nothing... to be more ME. But as a don't rock-the-boat, smooth-over-every-rough-surface, avoid-the-unpleasant kind of girl I am, this is really kind of huge.

I will continue reading zen-ish blogs and following love-yourself writers. That part won't be hard.

I will make a little time to do nothing and just BE... that will take a little more effort.

And I will, eventually, become better at Being who I am--as opposed to being the person I think the world wants me to be.

So there.


Take That! Stupid Xbox!
12:21 PM - Posted by christina - 1 comments
I hate the Xbox. Really, I do. It is the most violent entertainment for kids, and causes numerous arguments between our youngest, Jack, and me.

Before you say, “Well why’d you buy it?” let me explain: I didn’t. The judge and I got the kids a Wii, as it seemed the nicest, most family-friendly system available. Only our oldest never stopped grumbling about the “baby games” and the “crummy graphics” and how “completely lame” it was. Soon he had his little brother agreeing with him. The issue came to a head when the judge and I were out of town and the boys collected the Wii, and its paraphernalia (including my Jillian Michaels fitness stuff) and had their grandmother drive to the local game place to trade it in.

So that’s how an Xbox came to be the center point of our living room. And while 16 year old Michael plays it occasionally, it is 11 year old Jack who is obsessed. He begs and cries for M-rated games. (“NO”). He borrows them from friends (“Give them back”). He points out that the T-rated game I let him play is way bloodier than the M-game he wants, until I start to ask if maybe I should take away that T-one he has, at which point he’ll launch into some other argument. I hate that Xbox.

As I left in the morning yesterday, I told him he had one hour to play. I took my daughter and a friend to a mall 80 miles away, and around lunchtime, sent the judge a text asking him how things were going. He had come home to eat and found Jack “happily killing people.” When the girls and I got home around 3:00, he was on again/still. A little yelling ensued: …I can’t trust you… blah blah, …need a baby sitter…blah, blah. My heart wasn’t really into it.

As I lay down for a few minutes (I was shopping with 13 year old girls, you know), Jack came in and gave me a hug. “I’m sorry for playing so much, Mom.” He was contrite. What a sweet little fella. With that thought, I fell asleep.

Imagine my surprise when I emerged about a half hour later only to find Jack on the Xbox! My heart was into it now.

“Well I was bored… there was nothing to do!” he tried to reason. I didn’t even buy into the argument. Little liar.

Today, when I headed to work, I took the Xbox with me.

Yes! I know! What took me so long? I am a bit thrilled with myself! Apparently, unplugging it has messed up our phones, which would explain why Jack hasn’t called me asking me about the abduction. But who really needs landlines anyway? Take that, Xbox! I’m takin’ back my boy!



Delaying Gratification
1:22 PM - Posted by christina - 0 comments

Remember that Veruca girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

“I want an Oompa-Loompa and I WANT IT NOW!”

You can’t help but dislike her conceited, demanding, snotty little self. For me, it’s not so much the wanting that bothers me, it’s the refusal to wait, to delay gratification.

I’ve ranted a bit about this before. In an effort to make sure our kids feel loved and are well-liked and that no one is better than them—it seems that many of us parents buy our children way too much stuff, way before they need/want it.

You know what I mean. You’re shopping with your 12 year old daughter and she spies the cutest scarf and there are only two left and it’s on sale.

“Oh, Mama! Please?” she begs.

Attempting to teach responsibility you reply, “Well, do you have money?”

“Well, no. But I’ll clean my room as soon as we get home. And you can give me some now, then not pay me my allowance. And I will clean the cat box and empty the little garbage cans in everyone’s room too!” (Because those are her chores, and she hasn’t done them).

Oh, and did I mention there are only two left and they’re on sale? Tears ensue…”I promise, promise promise…”

I cave.

I remember—bear with me now—when I was a kid and we had to wait for stuff. We waited a long time for big things…like until Christmas or a birthday. Or, if we really wanted something badly enough, we worked and saved up to buy the coveted item ourselves.

When I was about 12, I wanted an English saddle. It was nearly $200, an unattainable amount for a 12 year old making three or four dollars a week. So my dad, bless him, said he’s go “halfers” with me. He figured if I really wanted something bad enough I’d be willing to work for it, and he would match me.

Well, halfers made the saddle seem attainable, and in about three or four months, we drove to Seattle and got the thing. I was flat out broke afterwards, but I had something I’d really wanted and I’d worked for it.

I think all children have a little bit of the burning pocket syndrome when they’ve got a little cash, but my 10 year old Jack is a prime example. He will get a card from an auntie in the mail with a nice crisp $20 in it. “Can we go to the store?” he’ll ask as it flutters to the floor.

“Why? What do you want to buy? I query.

“Oh, I don’t know. I need to look around and decide.”

This is typical. We’ve had the discussions about saving for a rainy day. His brother, and even his sister have shared about the great things they’ve bought after saving a while.

No go for Jack. “Well there is something I’ve been wanting…” he’ll tell us and then think of something he’s passed in a store at sometime. That money’s not just a burning in his pocket…it’s a real torch!

Anyway, we’ve been trying to address this issue, making Jack pay for things on occasion, which he does cheerfully if he happens to have money. So the other day, when Jack announced that his xbox mic was broken and he needed a ride to the store to get a new one, I asked if he had any money.

Instantly, he was on the verge of tears. “Well no! But I NEED it! I can’t play with my friends without it!”

I suggested he do some yard work with me. I figured two hours would be fair for a $20 reward. I outlined up the tasks needing to be done.

“All that?” he looked incredulous.

It wasn’t that much, and I figured if he really wanted the xbox thing, he could work for it, right?

Well, long story short, it took about 48 hours to get those two hours out of him. I didn’t nag, I just kept pointing at unfinished tasks when he’d come up and ask, “Am I done yet?”

There were tears… and stomping… and milk breaks and rests. Eventually, I figured he’d done his two hours. We had another nice chat about saving for times like these when something breaks.

This weekend, he asked to go to the game store.
“Do you have money?” I asked.

“Oh yeah,” he said, emptying his pockets of about $25 cash.
“Where’d you get that?” Dad asked.

“I’ve been saving,” he proudly replied.


This is Eleven
8:12 PM - Posted by christina - 0 comments

After just one night, as the second evening approached, the camp called. It was the nurse.

“Jack has a stomach ache. Is this normal?”

“Well, maybe?”

Jack is our baby. He’s 11. He’s a mama’s boy. And he’s at sleep away camp.
My heart is aching.

She has me talk to him.

“What is it, Jacko?” I ask.

He’s crying. “My stomach really, really hurts.”

“Did you poop yesterday… today?” I ask.

“No. It just hurts.”

Then he mumbles something.

“What?” I ask.

“Never mind,” he says. “Nothing.”

My heart is breaking. I want to go get him. That would make me feel better. But it’s probably not what’s good for him.

I put on my big girl/big mama panties. “Well, how ‘bout you lay low tonight, and if you still have a stomach ache in the morning, have the nurse call me back.”

“With a wavering voice, he says, “Okay.”

I talk to the nurse again. He has no fever. No tenderness anywhere. She’ll call if needed, in the morning. Otherwise, no news is good news.

Oh, this hurts.


Ah, Youth
8:21 PM - Posted by christina - 0 comments

As I returned from a quick 3 miler this evening, I got caught in a downpour. In an area that averages about 6 inches of rain a year, I found the deluge rather refreshing, and reminiscent of my youth, growing up outside of Seattle.

I did hustle home though, after becoming thoroughly drenched. As I approached my house, from about a half mile off, I could see two bodies moving across the road, presumably to get the mail from the box. I watched, as the figures paused, then twirled and stomped. They shook their wet heads at one another and looked to the sky. I quickly deduced it was the neighbor girl and a friend, dancing in the rain.

How refreshing it was to see a couple of 14 year old high school students acting their age. In a world of “hurry up” everything, in a society where padded bikinis are sold in the children’s section, it was a treasure to see two girls being silly and playing in the rain.

Over the weekend, I headed off to bed while my own daughter, age 13, and her friend, stayed up to watch Disney’s Alice in Wonderland. Not Johnny Depp’s new one, but the old, manually animated version. Amongst the giggling and text messages and digital pictures they took of one another, they followed the movie, and I believe, thoroughly enjoyed themselves.

In this hurry up world, it’s important that kids still get the opportunities to be kids. It’s crucial that we parents allow (and encourage) our big kids to do kid things… To be silly, and laugh, and make forts with chairs and blankets, to make messes in the kitchen as they “invent new recipes,” to stomp in puddles and get wet on an unexpected rainy day.

Thank you, Life, for the unexpected reminders.


Unplug for the Summer
1:56 PM - Posted by christina - 0 comments

With all the angst I experience watching my youngest shoot people on his T-rated xbox games (it’s just a game, Mom. Sheesh!), I had this ridiculous idea: what if we went electronic free for the summer?

Not electricity free… we could still watch the four crappy stations that we get sporadically on the television. We could still use the lights and hairdryers and such. But what if we gave up on the xbox and World of Warcraft and posting and Twittering? What if we quit texting inane conversations (“So he’s like, “What did she say he said?” “So he goes, “OMG Really?!” “That’s so like stupid LOL.” “JK :-P”), and saved texting for truly important stuff (“movie is dun. pick me up”).

Imagine the time we would have to do fun stuff together! We could go places like the hands on art shop. We could walk the dogs (all four of them) together. We could play board games and work in the yard, and oh yeah… spend lots of time at the neighbor’s pool.

We could visit the library then come home and pile onto the hammock to read. We could create new recipes. We might even have big, family-style sit down breakfasts featuring pancakes and hash browns and sausage. It would be okay to start the day with such a big meal, because we’d have so much more time to go outside and play and work off those calories!

Unplug for the Summer could go viral! I could post it, and if the right back-to-nature, organic, recycling parents spread the word, we could have a nation of kids and parents playing in their yards and hiking nature trails and sitting on curbs licking ice cream cone drips from their wrists.

But right there lies the rub. I could post it. Clearly, the biggest issue in this great idea of mine is that I too would have to unplug… from facebook, twitter and reading blogs. And really, that’s not gonna happen.

I gave up facebooking and twittering for Lent this past spring. I missed my friends. I got behind on current events (Okay, yeah, I’m usually behind on current events, but I got even behinder). I began stretching the rules—Well, I’ll just read a few updates and won’t comment on anything, I reasoned. My 16 year old son gave up social media and the entire internet (except for homework research) and did a much better job than I did.

We won’t be unplugging for the summer at our house. Instead, I think we’ll try to enforce the actual screen time limits that often get mentioned, but never get followed. Jack will get his daily xbox hour. He’ll have an additional hour somewhere… either on the TV or computer. Michael, who is 16, working a part time job and playing football daily, can set his own limits if they are reasonable, though he cannot bring friends to dinner via texting. If he wants to visit them at dinner time, he can just invite them to come eat with us.

Kennedy, who has her own computer (purchased with her own money), tends to lie in her room watching reruns A LOT. We’ll have to enforce some kind of time limit for that, but as with most 13 year old girls, social time will pretty much override the importance of anything else, so I just need to get her to someone’s house.

So if you drive by the house this summer, and notice The Judge and I working in the yard sans kids, rest assured, they are safe in the house, each plugged in to something. Honk your horn and give me a wave, and I’ll send you a tweet when I’m finished.