All Things Mom

I hate the Xbox. Really, I do. It is the most violent entertainment for kids, and causes numerous arguments between our youngest, Jack, and me.

Before you say, “Well why’d you buy it?” let me explain: I didn’t. The judge and I got the kids a Wii, as it seemed the nicest, most family-friendly system available. Only our oldest never stopped grumbling about the “baby games” and the “crummy graphics” and how “completely lame” it was. Soon he had his little brother agreeing with him. The issue came to a head when the judge and I were out of town and the boys collected the Wii, and its paraphernalia (including my Jillian Michaels fitness stuff) and had their grandmother drive to the local game place to trade it in.

So that’s how an Xbox came to be the center point of our living room. And while 16 year old Michael plays it occasionally, it is 11 year old Jack who is obsessed. He begs and cries for M-rated games. (“NO”). He borrows them from friends (“Give them back”). He points out that the T-rated game I let him play is way bloodier than the M-game he wants, until I start to ask if maybe I should take away that T-one he has, at which point he’ll launch into some other argument. I hate that Xbox.

As I left in the morning yesterday, I told him he had one hour to play. I took my daughter and a friend to a mall 80 miles away, and around lunchtime, sent the judge a text asking him how things were going. He had come home to eat and found Jack “happily killing people.” When the girls and I got home around 3:00, he was on again/still. A little yelling ensued: …I can’t trust you… blah blah, …need a baby sitter…blah, blah. My heart wasn’t really into it.

As I lay down for a few minutes (I was shopping with 13 year old girls, you know), Jack came in and gave me a hug. “I’m sorry for playing so much, Mom.” He was contrite. What a sweet little fella. With that thought, I fell asleep.

Imagine my surprise when I emerged about a half hour later only to find Jack on the Xbox! My heart was into it now.

“Well I was bored… there was nothing to do!” he tried to reason. I didn’t even buy into the argument. Little liar.

Today, when I headed to work, I took the Xbox with me.

Yes! I know! What took me so long? I am a bit thrilled with myself! Apparently, unplugging it has messed up our phones, which would explain why Jack hasn’t called me asking me about the abduction. But who really needs landlines anyway? Take that, Xbox! I’m takin’ back my boy!

I just got home from taking my 13-year-old daughter to have her hair done. It's the second time she's gotten highlights, as the school has just begun allowing haircoloring this year. She's too beautiful.

Anyway, $70 later, we arrive home to find the oldest on a computer, and the youngest (11), sprawled in a chair playing xbox. Then I see he's wearing this nerdy little headset and appears to be talking to himself.

Ah, this is the "live" thing he's been telling me about.

I sit down to watch a few minutes. Yes, it's a horrible game I hate, but since he's killing mutants instead of humans, it has somehow managed to make its way into the game library. "Mom, that's Jacob!" he says, swinging the view of his droid or whatever it is toward a red humanoid thing.

"Hi Jacob," I say. And then it hits me.

This is the playdate of the future.

No need to get in the car and drive to the park to meet up. Ride a bike ride over to a friends house? Forget it!

These are the... what do we call these years? The Tens? The Teens? Well, it's a new decade, and it's in the 21st century. Cell phones and ipods and $200 handheld personal games are the norm, even for 11-year-olds. My own little guy continually reminds me that all his buddies have their own phone, their own email, and I don't know... I think one even has a car a waiting for him.

So as I write this, I'm listening to one side of Jack's conversation. It's almost as disturbing as overhearing people in the grocery store having a loud and animated conversation with the little bluetooth thingy in their ears.

"So yeah, Lisa. I just got out of the hospital." (Silence.) "Yeah, yeah... two days! The infection had moved and my toe was like the size of an elephant! (Silence.) No really! The doctor said he's never seen so much... Hey have you tried that new digestive yogurt?"

Someone help me... please...

Well, Jack's conversation isn't quite as bad. I heard him announce that he had to pee and to wait for him (mad dash down hall, 5 second delay, mad dash back--clearly no handwashing involved). And there seems to be some conversation about who's on the bottom and whose on top... but I don't think it's anything naughty because those comments were followed by, "Watch out! There's a chopper coming down!"

The details are a digression, really. The point is, Jack is having a great time "playing with a friend" but there's no one here. There's nobody asking, "Do you guys have any cookies?" No doors being left wide open so that I can yell, "Hey! Shut the door!" No red-cheeked, cold faces asking for hot cocoa. No wet shoes piled by the door. No legos... nothing.

I couldn't live very well with out my mac and iphone and unlimited access to the internet, so I don't really have much room to talk. But I like my friends best face to face, hugging and laughing and right there IN FRONT OF ME. And for all their messes and hungries and rides that need to be taken care of, I like Jack's friends that way too, messing up the house, raiding the fridge and banging through the back door.